Typos and Errors

Meta is a story series inspired by a number of different places. It’s about a furry magical academy, and one student learning his place there.

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Typos and Errors

Postby Joshua » Thu Oct 21, 2010 8:18 pm

So, if you spot a typo, or a gramatical error in the story post it here. This is only for the basic grammer stuff.

Eseme
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Re: Typos and Errors

Postby Eseme » Sun Oct 24, 2010 10:37 pm

So, I'm reading Chapter 3.

During the transformation: His legs merged into a single thick tail that coiled lazily on the ground.
This confused me. Since you said he was a snake, I didn't think he had any legs to start with. Maybe you should mention his legs in an earlier chapter?

He took the card and carefully let a single corner touching the water’s surface.
He let a corner touch the surface. Or he held the card so that one corner was touching the water's surface.

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Re: Typos and Errors

Postby Eseme » Tue Nov 02, 2010 11:10 pm

Chapter 4:

“Normally, a nulls ability to stop magic is based on a twisting of their own magical potential.
A null's ability (possessive)


That thought again, no elements means he can’t learn any elemental magic.
For ease of reading, I would italicize the thought (the second half of the sentence), or put it in the past tense like the rest of the chapter.


Jove smiled at that thought, experiments to see what his magic can do.
Would that be "could do"?

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Re: Typos and Errors

Postby Eseme » Sat Dec 04, 2010 1:30 pm

Here's a whole bunch. Sorry for so many at once!

Chapter 5:

Between gasps for breath he called, “Mom, dad, I’m ready to go.”
Normally, you capitalize Dad, unless you are saying "my dad." Dad is a name/title.

The breath, that felt different, the air was alive.
I'd say "his breath." I've never run across "the breath" as a phrase before, and it threw me.

“Yes,” Jove’s father said. “I guess there was some concern about Jove turning that bubble of your off?”
Bubble of yourS off

“It was easier to make sure South had a few backups then to make sure we had enough failsafes for everyone.”
It was easier thAn

Jove’s father asked Jove, “You ready son?”
I'd call him Mr. Astrom here. Less repetition that way.

South gave a short howl, and rapidly grew into a large red-scaled dragon. He was slightly smaller than the first dragon jove had seen,
Capitalize Jove

You may want to put those childish impulses aside.” He laughed again, “You’ll need them for when you’re studying to be a magus.”
I don't get the joke. He's saying that Jove doesn't need his childish impulses, and then saying that he does? It doesn't make sense to me, but maybe I'm missing some nuance?

With that, a crimson energy shot from South’s mouth and wrapped around the two of them. With that, the ground blurred and they shot forward.
I would changed the second "with that" to "then" in order to avoid repetition.

Chapter 6

The section for the Emporium was about two of those stories tall, a section with more windows to show off the various tomes, books, and other implements.
I think it would be simpler and more clear to say "The Emporium took up two stories of the building, and that space had extra windows to show off the…"

The door was heavy and wooden, with a little bell above that range when Jove entered.
The bell rang. No E

Rows and rows of free standing shelves filled the place, covered with books, wands, packaged herbs, amulets…
Shelves are usual filled with things, while walls or floors or other flat surfaces are covered.

She had a lions body, with an eagle-like head covered in white feathers,
She had a lion's body

“You’re not a null. Normally getting near a null would be painful for a mythic form,
Would that be "in mythic form"? Or is it painful to be near a Null at any time even if they are not in that form? The latter is what you are implying with the current wording.

“Does a lot of magic require blood?”
“Just the ones that depend on your magic aura.

"Ones" refers back to "magic." But magic is not plural. So either Jove needs to ask "Do a lot of magic spells require blood?" or the gryphon needs to say "Just the kind that depends on your magic aura."

Chapter 7

They can negate and seal a mages magic, and cannot be detected by any magic. Dion wants to cannibalize you because he wants to gain the power of a revoker.
Seal a mage's magic. Also, would it be past tense? Dion wanted to cannibalize, he wanted to gain power. He can't anymore because he was captured, yes? No one has said that he got away.

Yay, fewer typos!

Chapter 8:

He know he got As on his finals, but he didn’t really remember the exams.
He knEw he got As

The Jove who dreamed of magic every day and experimented with his grimoire; Not the Jove who sat in the back of the classroom, did his homework, and barely spoke.
Make the n in "not" lowercase.

Which would also give Jove’s the chance to bring anything he forgot.
Which would also give them the chance to bring anything he forgot.

South shrugged, “Plus, you’re the only think he’s shown any interest in.
You're the only thinG

Three syllables, the first sounds Jove heard him make, "Tuebor.”
Erm, I'm confused. I read that as Tue-bor. Two syllables, not three. Maybe you should clarify that?

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Re: Typos and Errors

Postby Joshua » Sat Dec 04, 2010 11:58 pm

You may want to put those childish impulses aside.” He laughed again, “You’ll need them for when you’re studying to be a magus.”
This is kind of an inside joke / far foreshadowing. The only impression intended here is to state that a Magus title is very different from getting a Masters.

Tu-e-bor is latin. I have no idea how to clarify that in the context of the narrative. Suggestions appreciated. ^_^

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Re: Typos and Errors

Postby Eseme » Tue Dec 21, 2010 12:30 am

Chapter 10:
I responded, “If my sentience is a matter of debate, you are the one who I would debate it with.”
IT responded.

Chapter 11:
The yell was more of a roar, but not exactly feline. More ursine, the shouting snarl of a bear.
You've used the word "more" twice in two sentences. I'd change one.

A wolf hand grabbed the bears wrist, and with a short shove turned the lunge from grounded, to overextended, to off his feet.
The bear's wrist, possesive

If I recall, his education was paid for by some trust that was setup.
A trust that was set up.

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Re: Typos and Errors

Postby Joshua » Tue Dec 21, 2010 10:47 am

For Chapter 10, the word choice was intentional.

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Re: Typos and Errors

Postby Eseme » Thu Dec 23, 2010 12:41 pm

Huh? I thought the book responded. The book is an "it."

The phrase "I responded" makes no sense, as this is not a first person narrative (Jove is not telling it first person, thus the use of "I" outside of dialogue does not make sense).

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Re: Typos and Errors

Postby Eseme » Mon Jan 17, 2011 10:02 pm

Chapter 14

“Rai was getting your copy of Revoker. I guess he got board.”
He got bored


A few minutes later, Jove and Tan sat on the couch while Chris looked on. Tan explained, “Revoker is a fan made supplement, so it’s a little limit in scope. You wouldn’t have heard of it.
It is a little limitED in scope


“I guess, being a revoker wouldn’t be all bad.” Jove thought for a minute, he wondered what it would feel like tobe responsible for healing Chris.
What it would feel like TO BE responsible


He thought, “ Hypatia said she didn’t feel uncomfortable near me in mythic form. South would have said something as well. The tests for crossing worlds will have to wait for later. What are these last two?”
You have an extra space between the quote and the word Hypatia.

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Re: Typos and Errors

Postby Eseme » Sat Jan 29, 2011 2:37 pm

Chapter 16

“Classroom 102, this is me.” The sign flashed a now familiar glow when it’s name was said. “I’ll catch you for lunch after class?”
Its name was said. Wrong its!


Aside from the stone walls and floor, the room resembled the classrooms jove was familiar with.
Capitalize Jove


Four rows of four chairs and desks were setup, with a desk in front for the teacher and a large chalkboard at the front of the room.
I believe that should be "set up." A setup is a criminal enterprise in which one tries to make someone else take the blame.


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